Online marketer gets jailed for promiscuous people-watching - Trial and Eureka

Online marketer gets jailed for promiscuous people-watching

By Alp | List-building

I have a bone to pick with these compl-ex-perts who make market research dangerously convoluted and well… promiscuous.

TALK to 10 people in your market…

ANALYSE 100 customer reviews on Amazon for books read by your market…

CHASE 1000 strangers with surveys to find out “what keeps them up at night” (you pervert)...

God forbid, you actually listen to them.

For all we know, you might catch some sort of marketing STD from sowing your wild oats so liberally.

Maybe you can avoid the embarrassing rash if you’re careful. I don’t know.

But one thing I do know for certain:

Such promiscuity inevitably leads to jail time.

I bet you’ve been locked behind bars by vague advice before, unable to make progress.

You know of what I speaketh:

You’re handed a foot-long list of questions to answer, which almost always starts with the dreaded “what keeps them awake at night?”

But… HOW do you find the answers to these questions???

THAT nobody bothers to teach you.

Often the advice you find on this reads more like a fortune cookie than something you’d expect from a $3000 course:

Tall stranger will reveal deep dark secret.

A customer will soon enter your life with many insights to share.

Non-buyer survey of great importance may reach you any day now.

But if you persevere through sheer doggedness… if you have saintly patience… if you can sit through 100 customer interviews…

You just end up imprisoning yourself with conflicting data. It’s a Catch-22.

Every prospect you chat with tells you something else.

Hey, wait a second!

Wasn’t what product to sell supposed to be obvious once you dug out their problems, desires and fantasies?

Instead, you have 50 pages of notes but no visible pattern to base product decisions on.

Market research feels like an endless hike in the wrong size shoes.

But it doesn’t have to be.

Let me introduce you to what I call the Demetri Martin School of Market Research.

You’ve heard of the guy, right?

He’s my latest obsession. Brilliant comedian.

I watched his stand-up routine on people watching this morning:


“I like people watching. Mostly this one woman.

Yeah… I’m doing them one at a time.

(from behind bushes and stuff)"


Just swap “people-watching” with “buyer-watching”, and you have your golden ticket for market research.

No, you don’t need to interview 100 people to write an opt-in page or find the right product to sell.

All it takes is just 1 call with 1 Dreamy (target buyer).

Finally… monogamous market research. Lol.

So in FAST50 (, I teach the opposite of promiscuous market research:

1 Dreamy, 1 hour… and you’re done.

Seems to be the most popular aspect of the programme.

Behold ye who doubt this minor miracle...

FAST50 student Adrian sayseth:

Then he addeth:

Ok, let’s be real here for a second.

I’m not God’s gift to market research.

But I do have an unfair advantage when it comes to teaching this:

As a dual-qualified lawyer, I have been professionally trained for 7+ years in the art of asking questions, reading between the lines and using psychology to cross-examine unreliable witnesses.

So while FAST50 students can’t turn water to wine, they effortlessly turn the questions I give them into copywriting gold.

Here, an uncensored lesson review by Cynthia:

In this case, results are NOT atypical.

I’ve yet to have ONE student who actually finished the course and did not experience this themselves.

Elsewine upon witnessing her first minor miracle of market research:

Dr Siva singing Hallelujah! from the other end of the choir:

And on and on and on.

For specialised help on market research, and a plug-and-play (not pay-and-pray) system to turn that research into glorious opt-in copy, check out FAST50: