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my funny valentine (thank you)

By Alp | Thank You

Ever got caught staring? They lift up their head, your eyes meet, and then you furiously pretend to be looking at the poster behind them. Maybe you wobble a bit to this side, then lean over to that side, as if they’re in the way and you’re trying to see past them. This happened to me yesterday. I was […]

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An open letter to consultants who don’t do their homework before they jump on a client call

By Alp | Marketing Strategy

TL;DNR: Please stop calling yourself a consultant.  A lawyer would never show up to court without doing his due diligence. A surgeon would never walk into surgery without studying your x-rays. So why do business coaches and marketing strategists spend half the call “discovering” their client’s business? This bugs me. It also reminds me of something I’ve been hearing […]

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THE worst sentence in English + a mistake that makes your business 16% less likely to grow

By Alp | List-building

​Want to know THE single most hilariously terrible first sentence in the English language? A few years ago, this was awarded the Bulwer-Lytton Prize for the dubious honour of the worst sentence in the history of fiction: “Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto […]

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So lazy, it’s funny

By Alp | List-building

On a scale of 1 to -1, just how bad is this opening line:If, like me, you’re trying to suppress a chuckle (because NSFW), and you have a history of uncontrollably snorting, then QUICK! Do this: Stare up at your left eyebrow. . Hmm. Maybe that doesn’t actually work. #dont Anyway… It’s January, and my spidey senses tell me you’ve […]

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