All Posts by Alp

And the Worst Customer Service of the Year award goes to… This locksmith. Look at one of his reviews: “I called this locksmith to unlock my car. He got it unlocked, but broke the handle so the door wouldn’t open. We had to break a window to get in. He still charged me his usual fee.” Before you laugh […]

This is so patently absurd it has to be true:  I read about this guy who came home to find that his roommate had picked his lock and stolen his new laptop. When he tried to take it back, his roommate called the police.  They sided with the roommate since she had also taken the […]

Five points to Gryffindor if you can figure out what this story has to do with the subject line before I tell you: I was shopping for some furniture the other day and suddenly I heard this earsplitting noise. The kind that immediately makes you think, “Is this an ISIS attack and where is the nearest […]

Worrying works – and I have proof: 90% of the things you worry about never happens. Clearly, it’s an effective preventative.  Except for this American woman I saw on TV: She met his Canadian friend at the airport. As they were driving to the city, she told him not to worry about all the American stereotypes and that […]

Not so long ago, I did something of questionable benevolence. I meticulously researched dating disasters in an effort to dissuade my best friend from making the mistake of his life and going out with a duplicitous serpent. One of the gems I came across in my “research” was this: “Today, I had a date with a girl. The […]

There are two types of funny: “Funny because it’s true” and “Funny because that almost never happens”. This tweet I saw today is a prime example of the former: “Today, I got a big math test back. Good news: I can connect abstract ideas beyond what was taught. Bad news: I can’t do simple math, such as 30/-5. I failed.” When I […]

Question: How many facepalm moments did I have in the following conversation? First, let me give you some context: Last week, I switched internet service providers. I asked H, who works for me, to return the modems and cancel the old subscription. H: Unfortunately, we can’t cancel over the phone.  A: Who told you this? H: The postman. A: … H says, […]

​I don’t know if this is for real or somebody is pulling my leg: ===== “To: Alp Hi M, You were the one who told me about this guy, so maybe you get these emails. I liked this one in particular so I’m forwarding. D”===== Wait… did someone just forward my own email to me? At this point, I suspect it must […]

​For someone who doesn’t actually have a Twitter account, I pull off some impressive stalking on Twitter. Look what I found today: “Couldn’t get a taxi home last night, so I went in kebab shop and ordered a delivery to my address and got in with delivery driver. I’m a genius.” My hat off to you, sir. My […]

​An entrepreneur, a sales page and an email go to court. Buzz the Business Owner is suing Sally the Sales Page and Eddie the Email for marketing malpractice. “Your Honour, these two defrauded me,” Eddie says to the judge. “They promised me riches. They promised me fame. They promised me glory – if only I would invest […]